


so there you are, my love

by fakehaunting



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:20:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29183922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakehaunting/pseuds/fakehaunting
Summary: He doesn’t reply, just tries to fight the urge to say something he’ll regret. I need you, I’ve never wanted anyone like this, it’s always been you; they play around in his head like moths flying towards light.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	so there you are, my love

**Author's Note:**

> based off of hearts a mess by gotye

Bucky’s touch is like fire branding his skin, deep down into his very being. His hands, rough from years of working at the docks and battle worn, are touching him with a reverence Sam isn’t sure he deserves. His eyes, slate blue and bright, are dark with want and desire. His breathing comes slowly and his chest rises and falls just as slow. He’s so beautiful it makes Sam ache, it makes the darkest parts of him rise to the surface and beg to be lit by him. 

Sam works his body slowly, rolling his hips and bracing himself on Bucky’s damp chest. He digs his nails in and stares at him with lidded eyes, relishing the look on Bucky’s beautiful face. It’s everything he can do not to lose control and fall over the edge into blissful rapture. 

“Sam,” Bucky gasps. “God, Sam.” 

He doesn’t reply, just tries to fight the urge to say something he’ll regret.  _ I need you, I’ve never wanted anyone like this, it’s always been you _ ; they play around in his head like moths flying towards light. He’s become a moth to Bucky’s ever glowing flame and he hates it so much it hurts. How has he been turned into this? 

“I want- please Sam, please…” Bucky’s voice is pained and tight with emotion. “Please say it to me again…”

“Buck,”

“Please,” Bucky begs. He sounds so small and hurt, incredibly vulnerable. It’s not something that happens often but when it does, Sam can’t help his desire to hold him in his arms and save him. It makes him think that things could be different if they truly tried. 

“I… I love you,” Sam murmurs. 

Bucky’s breath hitches and tears slide down his cheeks, unwelcome and wet. “You don’t,” he all but sobs. “You don’t love me.”

“I do,” he says truthfully and moves faster, movements harder. Bucky gasps wetly and holds onto him tighter, clinging now. “You, you know how much.” How deeply how ardently. 

Bucky holds onto Sam’s hips and stills him completely. He takes a minute to collect himself, “I know you’re seeing other people.” 

Sam’s eyes widen and something in his chest snaps, falling to pieces inside of him and rattling around. “Bucky…”

“You hurt me so bad and I let you. I let you hurt me because I love you so much and I’m willing to wait, I’d do anything for you.” 

“Please don’t do this.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “I’d do anything for you,” he repeats. “I’ve never loved anyone like this. I want you so fucking badly it makes me stupid.” 

Sam shakes off Bucky’s grip and climbs off of him, cringing at the emptiness. “Are you trying to guilt me?” 

“I’m just talking,” he says. “I’m talking because the only time you ever listen to me is when we’re fucking.”

He’s never heard Bucky call it that before and it makes him hurt. It’s more than that and they both know it, but Sam can’t bring himself to admit it. “That’s not true and you know it.”

“I’d crawl on my knees and beg you for scraps if you wanted but that’s not it. You don’t want me to beg, you want me to want you enough for the both of us. And the worst part is, I do. I want you so much that it spills over inside me and makes me weak.”

Sam can’t say a word, doesn’t know what to say. Bucky being so candid is a rarity and one that he didn’t expect in the slightest. His words are laced with venom that’s trying desperately to mask his hurt but failing. 

“Sometimes I want to cut this mark off,” he says and points to the star shaped mark above his heart. It’s their soulmate scar and the very notion of Bucky ever trying to tamper with it hurts more than he could’ve ever imagined. He wonders distantly what would happen if he really did, how bad it would hurt, how much he probably deserves it. “Sometimes I think you hate me.”

“I could never hate you!”

“You’re sleeping with other people in hopes that someone else will bear this mark even though you know it’s impossible. You don’t want me, you don’t need me, you don’t fucking love me!” Bucky shouts and gets out of bed. “You hate me for being your soulmate!” 

“Don’t put words in my mouth!” Sam shouts back. “I told you I love you and I always do. I always tell you-”

“- when I beg you,” Bucky says softly, the fire in him dying. “When I’m fucking you, when I cry and beg and plead for anything resembling love you tell me. But you look like you’re about to throw up when you say it.” 

Truthfully, Sam hates that he has a soulmate. He hates the idea of it so much; being bound to someone without any choice is awful. He can feel every inch of Bucky constantly and he hates that he loves it so much. He hates that he loves the one he’s been predetermined to love by some outside force. 

“I don’t hate you,” he whispers brokenly. “I hate the idea of us.” 

Bucky jerks back like he’s been hit and his eyes widen before filling with fresh tears. He looks absolutely gutted and Sam wants to fix it but he can’t, not now. 

“How am I supposed to- how do I fight that?” Bucky asks. “God I can’t… I can’t believe…”

“I never thought I’d have a soulmate because I didn’t want one. I didn’t like the idea of being tethered to someone forever without a choice,” he explains. “I didn’t want to love you, Buck. I don’t want to, but I do.” 

“I’d rather you didn’t love me than hate loving me,” Bucky says. He sounds utterly wrung out and Sam’s soul reaches towards him desperately. “All I want is you, Sam, and all you want is nothing to do with me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Bucky says. “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to follow me on tumblr @lesbianhozier!! comments are loved, I am so sorry for this


End file.
